This I Believe

Staying on the topic of "kids say the darnedest things," I heard a great installment of "This I Believe" on NPR the other day from 7-year-old named Tarak McLain. Now I was expecting something like "I believe that Hannah Montana is awesome" (which, by the way, she is), but instead I got these 30 gems:

I believe life is good.
I believe God is in everything.
I believe we’re all equal.
I believe we can help people.
I believe everyone is weird in their own way.
I believe hate is a cause for love.
I believe that when I meditate I feel peaceful.
I believe we should be generous.
I believe brothers and sisters should be kind to each other.
I believe kids should respect their parents.
I believe I should not whine.
I believe people should wake up early.
I believe people should go outside more.
I believe in nature.
I believe people should use less trees.
I believe we should help the Arctic and rainforest animals.
I believe people shouldn’t throw litter on the ground.
I believe people should not smoke.
I believe God is in good and bad.
I believe in magic.
I believe people should not give up.
I believe love is everywhere.
I believe that God helps us to have a good time.
I believe we live best in a community.
I believe we can protect people in danger.
I believe we should help the poor.
I believe its OK to die but not to kill.
I believe war should not have started.
I believe war should stop.
I believe we can make peace.

Now obviously young Tarak is a happy, energetic youth who's excited and optimistic about the future and that colors a lot of what he has put forward here. Being a bit older, and far more cynical and jaded, I thought I'd share my version of 30 things I believe:

I believe religion is the opiate of the masses
I believe religion is losing out to TV
I believe my dog is cooler than your dog
I believe under ripe bananas are disgusting
I believe Jennifer Aniston is way overrated
I believe coffee tastes best all the time
I believe moldy bread is ok as long as you cut off the moldy parts (the large ones at least)
I believe a cheeseburger with ketchup is the great American meal
I believe college is overpriced
I believe breast implants are among the worst inventions ever
I believe teachers should be paid like professional athletes
I believe bad teachers need to be fired... now
I believe doing dishes is the doorway to enlightenment
I believe marijuana should be legal
I believe Cheesecake Factory gives you way too much food
I believe Guns 'n Roses is nothing without Slash
I believe breakfast is the best meal of the day
I believe not all my Facebook "friends" are really friends
I believe babies are not all they're cracked up to be
I believe Intel makes better processors
I believe TBS is very funny
I believe Ethiopian coffees are the best combination of quality and price
I believe queue theory should be taught in high school
I believe Blu-ray is well worth the upgrade
I believe churches should pay property taxes
I believe Mario Brothers is head and shoulders above Sonic the Hedgehog
I believe skinny jeans on men are ridiculous
I believe "I'm With Busey" was cancelled by mistake
I believe cigarettes are cool
I believe there is life on other planets

Letters to Obama

McSweeney's has a list of letters written by kids to the President-elect. Most are in line with what you might expect, but I thought this one was particularly notable:

Dear Barack Obama,

I have a great idea for you: you should set up a special phone, a special place just for kids to call the president if they find things that are dangerous and can affect people, like someone smoking. This would be a special place for kids to talk to Barack Obama and let him know what's going on.

Another important thing that I want to talk to you about is cars and buses. There is a bus called the Galactic Wizard which runs on biofuel or vegetable oil. I think, instead of polluting the environment, scientists should work on those buses. You should make it so that everyone turns off any light whenever they are not in the room—that way we can save the environment and also pay less on our electricity. We can't just use up the environment until we have nothing, or we will starve to death. Nobody wants that, do they? I want to tell you, Barack Obama, if one day I could travel around the world and help people, I would definitely do it.

Dhamaril Nunez, age 9
Boston

The $1 million question (or has inflation pushed it up to the $1 billion question? Or $1 trillion??) is whether young Dhamaril Nunez will foster what is obviously a sharp intellect and -- maybe more questionably -- an interest in meaningful issues or will he end up like the rest of us, drinking too much coffee to shake off too little sleep, making sure that we always have a smaller iPod than the guy next to us at work, and wondering whether this time Britney's comeback will stick. I'd hope for the former, but would put my money on the latter. Fight the good fight young Dhamaril! Fight it hard...

As for you el Presidente, set up that damn phone! It sounds like you'd get far better ideas from nine-year-olds than Congress -- and I mean you Madame Speaker!