Thursday, February 26, 2009

Resetting My Sleep Schedule

For pretty much all of my life I've had a pretty odd sleep schedule. I've tended to always prefer the night time and have been known to stay up until all hours of the night for pretty much no reason, and then sleep through much of the day. I've tried setting myself on a "normal" sleep schedule -- particularly since I married a woman with a very normal sleep schedule -- and the only way I've been able to achieve it is:

1) Using a high powered alarm clock set far away from the bed to get me out of bed in the morning
2) Ingesting large amounts of caffeine to jump start the system at the beginning of the day
3) Staying on the brink of exhaustion most of the time to allow me to fall asleep at a normal hour

But It's time to put those days behind me and the inspiration is this great illustration of circadian rhythms that I found in Wikipedia, complete with the good ol' Da Vinci man in the middle (click here for the larger version). So the new schedule is starting now, and that means going to bed between 11PM and 12AM -- after melatonin secretion has started and after bowel movements have been supressed -- and getting up in the morning at 7AM -- just after the sharpest rise in blood pressure and slightly before melatonin secretion stops.

But that's not all. This handy chart has encouraged me to do a whole lot more with my life. Here are a few of the other things that I am now setting out to do to make the most of my circadian rhythm:

  • Highest testosterone excretion is at 9AM, so this is when I will train everyday for my debut in the Ultimate Fighting Championship octagon. Of course, I will refuse to take any match that isn't scheduled at 9AM.
  • High alertness is at 10AM. This is when I will do all of my driving. If there are errands to run 10AM is when that happens, otherwise I stay inside.
  • Best coordination is at 2:30PM. Washing dishes and other house chores will take place at this time -- dropped, broken, and chipped dishes will be a thing of the past. I will also hone my shuriken throwing skills during this time slot.
  • At 3:30PM is the peak of reaction time so obviously this is the time I will set aside to play Wii baseball. Think you can get a 90mph fastball by me Mr. Wii? Think again.
  • Greatest cardiovascular efficiency and muscular strength comes at 5PM. I'll never succeed in my 9AM UFC debut without being in shape, so this is when my training will take place. Of course this will have to be done at home (no driving after peak alertness) and without any weights (why risk injuring myself with weights after peak coordination time?).
  • Highest blood pressure and body temperature occur at 6:30PM and 7PM, respectively. I will use this time to harvest my body's naturally elevated temperature and turn it into electricty to help power my house. Since no such device for doing that currently exists, I will use the peak alertness time on days that I don't drive anywhere to work on inventing such a device.
This schedule will obviously leave me little time for much else, however, there are still a couple decent times to contact me if you need to get in touch. Right around noon will be one such time since I have nothing scheduled for that slot. It is, however, about two hours past high alertness and two two and a half hours before maximum coordination, so be prepared for me to not pay particularly good attention to anything you have to say and don't be surprised if I drop the phone a few times.

Alternatively, between 7PM and 9PM would work. When I have my body heat harnessing device invented I will be spending this time slot extracting my body's heat, but I'm sure I'll be able to talk on the phone at the same time. I can't promise that the body heat extracting device won't be noisy, but I'm sure we can talk loudly.

This schedule also leaves me little time to blog, but I'll be sure to check back in in a couple of weeks to let readers know how my life has been elevated to supreme levels by following this schedule.