USC: Texas Toast

I regret to say that I did not watch the fourth quarter of the game last night. I know what you're thinking, "how could someone NOT watch the fourth quarter of the game last night?" Mostly it was because I was burned out from the 5 and 1/2 hour marathon game between Penn State and Florida State the night before in the Orange Bowl - a game that saw 3 overtimes, four missed field goals, a missed extra point, a third quarter that included 8 punts and only 61 offensive yards and a whole lot of other bad football to boot. Sure Penn State won and I was happy about that, but you can't be too happy after sitting through a game like that.

So as for the USC - Texas Rose Bowl, I figured it might be more of the same after watching some pretty poor football (particularly defense) in the first half. I have to say, though, bad football or not, Reggie Bush got the play of the game from me with his jump pass to his surprised teammate while getting tackled on a nice long run. If anything beat that, it was maybe the lateral that Vince Young pulled a few drives later - the only difference was that Bush's goof lost the ball for USC, while Young's led to a touchdown. The real difference in the game seemed to be Vince Young, who had 200 yards rushing and over 200 yards passing on 30 of 40. Well, ok, the difference was Vince Young and two bad defenses. That may be more what it boiled down to, but based on the hype around this game, it is very, very apparent that people are not nearly as interested in "good football" as they are in high-octane, high-scoring offenses.

One other big note of the game is once again the lack of respect for the other black guy - you know it, LenDale White. White rushed for 124 yards on 20 carries with 3 touchdowns. He now has 57 career touchdowns which is a USC record. But who was interviewed after the game? That's right Reggie Bush. So once again, you don't need skill, just sex appeal. I love you other black guy, don't worry about what they say.

With a loss this historic, breaking USC's 34-game winning streak, you can't expect life to go on without any consequences. Here are my predictions for the implications of last night's big loss for USC:

- Pete Carroll will rebuff multiple offers from NFL teams, but will be too distraught to continue coaching at USC and will trade his red turtleneck for a black one and start directing porn. His first feature will be called "USC: University of Sweet-Ass Chicks"

- The other black guy will go into the NFL draft along with Reggie Bush, and will go on to become one of the best straight-up power runners that the NFL has ever seen. After many successful seasons with the Jacksonville Jaguars he will be exposed as a sexual deviant (multiple partners, candlewax, you know the drill) and traded to the Raiders to join Moss and Collins. Meanwhile, Reggie Bush will be a huge NFL flop and will join another former college great, Maurice Clarett, in a purse snatching ring.

- Vince Young will be drafted #3 in the draft, but will get the biggest contract of the draft class. He will use some of his newfound riches to hire a tutor and learn to read.

- University of Southern California will still have some of the hottest women alive.

- Matt Leinart will have a good, but not great, NFL career, but even more notably, he will strike up a close freindship with 50-Cent who he will meet in - surprise - the club. When Leinart destroys his ACL in his 6th NFL season, he and 50, who will have completely sold out by that point, will star in a sitcom "Whitey and da Thug" on Fox.

- ABC will continue to sponsor the big college bowl games, but begin a practice of ritual sacrifices, praying to the gods that they have more 5 1/2 hour games like the PSU/FSU game that allowed them to show enough commercials to pay for the entire next season of college football rights.

Kopp